Defender Samir Von Guyse (no relation to Samir Nasri) is to cycle across the pacific on a pedalo for charity he is hoping to raise £37,365 for a full sex change but has pledged his future to AZ Magma and was quoted as saying "I't doesnt matter what I have got between my legs its whats between my ears that counts"

As I'm sure you all know Magma's home stadium is situated in the heart of the red light district and this new has gone down a storm with many of the large local transvestite community which when last surveyed made up 67.89& of Magma's support.

He is seen as an inspiration and they have petitioned the club to erect a statue to replace the one of Ethelred Abbott the clubs all time leading goalscorer.

Ethel "novovirus" Cook the clubs cook as she is affectionately known by all at Magma has announced she is bringing out a book for Christmas. She has now been at the club for 68 years and apart from several outbreaks of e-coli poisoning (twice meaning they had to cancel pre season tours of the Isle of Wight and South Yorkshire her service has been exemplorary.

More next week in the Magma Mag about the new youth team project sponsored by local solicitors Harris Saville and Glitters and how the club are hoping to announce a new range of Northern type pies that will be shipped in by English striker Eulyses Moores's Mam direct from Oswaldthistle.

Tune in for volume 3 of the Magma Mag dont miss out!